My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey

After watching Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's TED video and learning that she had a book, I looked forward to reading My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. I remained excited as I read the introduction, "Every brain has a story and this is mine." As the parent of a child with a developmental disability secondary to prenatal exposure to alcohol and a masters prepared Critical Care Clinical Nurse Specialist, I am kind of into the story of brains. Perhaps my excitement and expectations led me to have too high expectations of this book and contributed to my being disappointed by the book itself.

Jill Bolte Taylor experienced a hemorrhagic stroke in 1996. The book details her experience of becoming dysfunctional and her eventual recovery. Although the author clearly states that she perceives herself as a "single entity with a single mind," most of the book describes the person she became when the left hemisphere of her brain wasn't working, a person unique and wholly different from the person she was pre-stroke.

I am a fan of the original Star Trek series. As I read this book, I couldn't help but think about an episode from Star Trek. In it Captain Kirk is transported back to the ship. The transporter malfunctions and instead of one Captain Kirk, there are two. One is analytical, cold and calculating; the other lived in his right mind. Neither captain could function long in the absence of the other. The brain works best when the right and left hemisphere work together.

The author presents her time in her right mind as a gift. She is almost evangelical in her zeal to describe the pantheistic Utopia she perceived after her stoke. It is, in my opinion, unfortunate that this worldview was presented in the context of a brain scientist talking about her stroke. Anatomy, physiology, pathophysiology and New Age spiritualism are all presented as facts that can be proven by delving deep enough into the human brain.

To the right mind, no time exists other than the present moment, and each moment is vibrant with sensation. Life or death occurs in the present moment. The experience of joy happens in the present moment. Our perception and experience of connection with something that is greater than ourselves occurs in the present moment. To our right mind, the moment of now is timeless and abundant. (page 29)

And again:

In the absence of all the rules and regulations that have already been defined as the correct way of doing something, our right mind is free to think intuitively outside the box, and it creatively explores the possibilities that each new moment brings. (page 29)

My daughter lives in her right mind most of the time. I describe it to people as her living in a four-frame life. She sees a few moments into the past the present and a moment into the future. Civil, family, work and school rules reside safely in her left brain. She rarely accesses them; she creatively develops plans to meet her perceived needs without giving any thought to consequences she might incur. Living in her right mind is not a gift; it is a debilitating liability that will likely keep her dependent even when she reaches adulthood. As I read, I felt like the author communicated that a functioning left brain was a problem that needed to be overcome.

Still, I found that the book was a rich resource for health care professionals who invest their time and energy in acutely and critically ill people. The author correctly points out that a "hospitals number one responsibility should be protecting its patients' energy levels." Nurses already know this. But, with the exception of the affect of nursing care on a patients intracranial pressure, I don't know that there is a lot of research done on this topic.

Having just completed and complained about having to prove competence in nursing by participating in continuing education, I present this argument against test based competency assessment. Knowledge does not equal competency. It is a component of competency but it is never synonymous.

I realized that some people brought energy while others took it away. One nurse was very attentive to my needs: Was I warm enough? Did I need water? Was I in pain? Naturally, I felt safe in her care. She made eye contact and was clearly providing me with a healing space. A different nurse, who never made eye contact, shuffled her feet as though she were in pain. This woman brought me a tray with milk and jello, but neglected to realize that my hands and fingers could not open the containers. I desperately wanted to consume something, but she was oblivious to my needs. She raised her voice when she spoke to me, not realizing that I wasn't deaf. Under the circumstances, her lack of willingness to connect with me scared me. I didn't feel safe in her care. (page 77)

Finally, the list of 'Forty Things I Needed Most' is extremely helpful in caring for someone who is neurologically atypical, no matter what the cause.

June Summary

June was a good month, brain-wise. My husband traveled. I do miss him when he is away; I always get more me time when he is on the road. I am an introvert, so I appreciate the extra time to myself. I read three full-length books and two books of poetry.

Additionally, it was time for me to renew my nursing license. When I was working full time, this was an easy task. The education department at the hospital I was employed in made it a priority to make sure that there were plenty of on campus opportunities to earn the continuing education credits that the state requires you have when you renew your license. I no longer work outside the home. I keep my nursing license so that I can work if I need to become our home's primary bread winner. I hope that my life never comes to that. If I just needed a job for extra money, I would never re-enter health care and subject myself to shift rotations, holidays away from family, the legal liability, and ever larger patients. I especially wouldn't do it in my current community where the hospital contract and salary scale doesn't recognize my masters degree and as my experience was gained in a different community would only pay me for half of my experience. So, I read and completed a professional course too.

I didn't watch any movies this month. I have none to recommend. But, I did go see Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur. It was okay. My 3- and 5-year old loved it! I like Up better.

Selected Poems

Ondra Lysohorsky's Selected Poems is listed on Phillip Ward's A Lifetime's Reading: The World's 500 Greatest Books. Unfortunately, English translations of this delightful collection seem widely unavailable. It is out of print. I picked up a copy on e-Bay. Even after paying shipping, the book cost less than $10. Ondra Lysohorsky is the nom de plume assumed by Ervín Goj, a Czech poet who lived from 1905 - 1989.

Reading his poetry was like walking through history and hearing, through the words of a poet, a first-hand account of the reaction of the people who were living at the time. He lived in a time when the world was only 2-million years old, when science rather than saving humanity had shown how truly dangerous technology could be, when our world was consumed with wars.

Hands at work.
Hands at love.
Hands at death.

Hands playing a violin.
Hands on the trigger in the aircraft of Hiroshima.
Hands in prayer. (Hands)

He grew up in the Czech Republic where a statue of Jan Hus stands as a reminder to the failings of the Western church and a religious system. And he writes:

The dead philosophy student
testifies louder

than debates in the vortex of human pillar of fire
which will sweep through Prague

till the end of the history of this city steeped in fire
and blood
where John Huss has preached in vain

for over five centuries:
'He that will not serve truth, conscience and humanity

shall lose his power.' (Ballad of Jan Palach, Student and Heretic)

And my personal favorite:

When my hair was black,
all here below seemed ill-arranged.

When it became grey,
slowly my eyes opened.

Now when my hair is white,
I see eternity in every moment. (Ballad of Hair)

Simply delightful! I am glad the person who listed this on e-Bay didn't know that it was a rare, hard to find book that usually sells for more.

Does Your House Have Lions

I am trying to diversify my reading. Does Your House Have Lions was featured in a blog entry I read. I can't remember whose blog I was reading or I would link to it. I didn't care for this book. To me the most intriguing part of the book was the cover.

One day in the late sixties, I was on the phone with Rahsaan and mentioned to him that just that day I had bought a house. He responded by asking, "Does your house have lions?" I said, "What?" He said, "Lions. You know, like in the front of a museum or the post office. You know, concrete lions. My house has lions. Get a house with lions." ~ Joel Dorn, May 1993 from the Rahsaan Roland Kirk Anthology.

The lions strength and courage make him a symbol of strength. The title asks you to consider the strengths in your home. Sonia Sanchez's brother died of complications related to HIV/AIDS. This poem tells his story. More specifically it tells the story of how painful it sometimes is to be a part of a family. In families we share each others pain. The choices another person makes often result in burdens that we must carry. Being connected in a family can be indescribably painful, but it is a source of strength too.

The reason I didn't care for this book is that it is written in E.E. Cumming's style. The author chose to use creative punctuation and grammar. There are periods breaking up a thought, but the sentence structure doesn't follow normal grammar rules. I found this style of writing distracting. It deprived me of visual cues and made the writing difficult to follow. Capital letters aren't used except occasionally. By their rarity, they catch the eye of the reader and demand that the reader answer, "Why is that there? What is being emphasized?" Sometimes I couldn't figure it out.

came the summer of nineteen sixty
harlem luxuriating in Malcolm's voice
became Big Red beautiful became a city
of magnificent Black Birds steel eyes moist

I found the author's name on the front cover artwork intriguing. It is written sonia saNchez. E.E. Cummings used a lowercase I when writing. I have read that he wanted to make himself lowercase, equal to, the other pronouns. He was communicating that he wasn't anymore important than other people. Frankly, I think the calling attention to yourself by writing i is fairly prideful. But, his example has been followed by others, including k.d. lang. And, I found myself wondering, "Why the upper case N?"

Ancestors have an important role in the poem. I have actually spent a great deal of time thinking about this. Since my kids are from Haiti, their ancestors likely came from West Africa. I have been reading quite a bit about Haitian vodou. When we were in Haiti getting the children, we were kept awake all night by the drumming and chanting of a nearby vodou ceremony. And, at least in Haiti, while the spirit of a person's ancestor is honored and served, they aren't worshiped. Like Christianity, Haitian vodou is a monotheistic religion.

The poem ends with a stanza in which the ancestor's ask:

where are the gods when we need them?

Perhaps this question is a universal response when the death of a young person creates a spiritual crisis and the world suddenly is seen as extremely unfair.

Sophie's World

Sophie's World: A Novel About the History of Philosophy by Jostein Gaarder is a mysterious book. The first mystery is how I came to possess a copy of this book in the first place. My oldest daughter has a fine at the library. She just bought a new car and has learned that gas and car repairs really eat into your spendable income. She can't afford her fine. She reads a lot. In desperation, she browsed our bookshelves for something to read. She found this book. Neither my husband nor I had read it before. Neither of us remember adding it to our home's library. But, my daughter was thrilled to find that we had something to read!

Her review, "Mom. This book is weird. The philosophy is good, but the story is weird."

My sentiments exactly! The story is weird, but the bird's eye view of philosophical thought is very well done. We home school. For the past three years, my oldest daughter's curriculum has included a combined philosophy and history course. I suspect the book contains everything my daughter remembers from her studies. This book is worth reading for that reason alone; it is quite enjoyable and thought provoking. Highly recommended.

"Nobody asked you to like it. But philosophy is not a harmless party game. It's about who we are and where we come from. Do you think we learn enough about that in school?" (page 186)

What we think matters. It affects how we behave, how we prioritize and what we believe to be true. My thoughts on Sophie's World are colored by my personal worldview. I suspect that most of the people that read here followed me from my regular blog and are aware of my worldview. For those who find this entry another way, I believe man can begin to understand truth through both reason and revelation. As long as I can remember I have had an understanding of the existence of God. I no longer try to answer the question of whether this understanding is innate or a result of my life experiences. As a young adult, I tried life without a theistic worldview and the consequences of my lifestyle choices were unpleasant. The scripture I accept as the oracles of God are the Jewish Tanakh and the first person accounts of life of Christ as preserved by the early church.

"These are My words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things which are written about Me in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms must be fulfilled." ~ Luke 24:44

Although this book is not anti-Christian, it doesn't present Christianity from a Christian worldview. Christ is presented as a great man and a great philosopher. But, he is presented as a man and not God in the flesh.

"I shall leave a more thorough study of Jesus and his teachings to your religion teacher. He will have quite a task. I hope he will succeed in showing what an exceptional man Jesus was." (page 156).

What I found striking as I thought through this book is how philosophy has led both Christians and humanists to a similar conclusion about society. Compare these two thoughts. First:

"The Enlightenment philosophers thought that once reason and knowledge became widespread, humanity would make great progress. It could only be a question of time before irrationalism and ignorance would give way to an 'enlightened' humanity." (page 312)

And:

"But Kant went further than simply to establish that these weighty questions should be left to the faith of the individual. He believed that it is essential for morality to presuppose that man has an immortal soul, that God exists, and that man has a free will." (page 328)

The first quote reminds me that we are still trying to create Eden through purely human efforts. In my opinion, the second clearly describes what is wrong with the Christian right today. The Westminster Shorter Confession answers the question, "What is the chief end of man," by affirming that we are to to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever. While living a moral life might be a means to that end, it is not the end. Yet, ever since I have been old enough to vote, elections and campaign promises have been about legislating another person's life. In the process, America is less free than it was 20 years ago. The Christian right has supported anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage, pro-family values candidates without questioning their big federal government, more regulations visions. No one seems to care that our country is broke. We can't create a perfectly moral world by human effort. The church needs to go back to her first commission. We should be making disciples and allowing the Holy Spirit to work out other people's salvation.

"After Marx, the socialist movement split into two main streams. Social Democracy and Leninism. Social Democracy, which has stood for a gradual and peaceful path in the direction of socialism, was Western Europe's way. We might call this the slow revolution." (page 397)

America continues its descent into socialism. As the government takes substantial control over the day to day operations of the country, I will have less choice about how I want to spend my time, talents and treasures. I believe a socialist government is inherently oppressive. But, I will always be free, God created me with a free will. I can choose to act and think in a way that is contrary to my nature.

I was glad that the author of Sophie's World seemed to recognize that socialism doesn't necessarily equate to Utopia.

"There will probably never be a 'promised land.' Mankind will always create new problems to fight about." (page 397)