Gold in the Grass

As World War II comes to an end, an injured Canadian veteran and his nurse fall in love, marry and purchase a worn out, run down 100 acre farm near Ontario; they dream of a quiet country life. Gold in the Grass: Rags to Riches Through Soil Reclamation and Sustainable Farming - A Back-to-the-Land Adventure from 1954 by Margaret L Leatherbarrow is their story. While their neighbors are making bets as to how long they will last, they transform a non-producing farm into their private Utopia using sustainable agriculture. It is a heartwarming story. I would have never picked it up. My husband purchased it. His review is here.

In my opinion, this book fails as a how-to book. It isn't written as a manual. It is an autobiography written by a woman passionate about the life she and her husband built together. What kept me reading was Leatherbarrow's wisdom. I felt like I was reading a book written by an older woman who was sharing a lifetime of knowledge. I was surprised when I got to the last page of the book. The book was written only 7 years after she and her husband began her adventure. Leatherbarrow must have still been fairly young. Much younger than I am now.

Yet, she has something to say about:

God:

"God said I am the Truth. He did not say I am what you choose to believe." (page 68)

It would e more correct to say Jesus said I am the Truth (John:6). Most Christians would recognize this as one of the "I AM" assertions of Christ. But, I believe Jesus is God incarnate, I fully agree with her assessment. A real God has real attributes and power. His activities are just as real. When I choose to make him little enough to fit in my brain or to my agenda, his attributes do not change to fit my mind picture. I am just not nearly powerful enough to control who and what God is. It is my responsibility to get to know the real God.

Human Nature: Early in their adventure, while still struggling, seasoned farmers refused to share their knowledge with them. Leatherbarrow writes:

"The secretiveness borne of greed, a common trait of man all through our civilization, keeps us grovelling like the miserable creatures our greed has made us become. We war with one another, be it the individual or the entire race, having lost faith to such an extent we can't trust one another any more. In church we pray for blessings individually. In or homes we seek the comforts we desire with no care for the individual or community good. We will take ever by force, yet give nothing." (page 128)

Disability Acceptance:

"There is no point in attempting something you are not physically capable of accomplishing. A healthy individual is one who, recognizing this handicap, accepts it and works according to his ability, not focing himself to do what is impossible, just because he'd like to be able to do it." (page 168)

It was her shared wisdom that made the book worth reading. My husband gave the book 5-stars. I would not. My rating scheme doesn't make allowances for giving every book a 5-star rating. That rating is saved for those books whose content makes me think about something a new way and changes who I am. Gold in the Grass did not. Neither would I give it 4-stars. In my economy this is a three star book, a book I would recommend you bring to read while you lie in the sun, wait for your car to be repaired, recover from surgery or escape from the stressors of your real life. A book that is entirely delightful but not life changing.

A Prayer to Our Father

When I read Meet the Rabbis: Rabbinic Thought and the Teachings of Jesus by Brad H. Young, I was introduced to the idea that the prayer Jesus taught his disciples, commonly called the Lord's Prayer, was very much like the prayer that ancient teachers of Judaism taught their students. I had read the Shemoneh Esreh and noted that, like the Lord's Prayer, it starts and ends with prais and worship. The Shemoneh Esreh also contains prayers surrendering to God's as King, requests for God's provision and care, prayers asking for forgiveness and guidance. This ancient Jewish prayer is indeed very much like the Lord's Prayer.

I thought that Prayer To Our Father: Hebrew Origins of the Lord's Prayer by Nehemia Gordon and Keith Johnson would complete or at least add to my initial investigation into the Jewishness Lord's Prayer. And, I was right. But, it did it in an entirely different way. Nehemiah Gordon is a Karaite Jew. For those unfamiliar with Karaitism, just think of them as Jewish men and women who have fully embraced the sola scriptura. Arguments about the value and place for traditions of man are not the sole property of the Western Church. Because Gordon is a scripturalist, the book focused on words, the history of words, and putting those words in the culture of the ancient Jewish man and woman. I love words!

"Matthew composed his history in the Hebrew dialect, and everyone translated it as he was able." ~ Papias of Hierapolis

St. Jerome testified that the Nazarenes used a Hebrew Matthew as late as the 4th century. Gordon and Johnson argue that the Shem Tov Matthew descended from one of these ancient Hebrew documents (rather than being translated into Hebrew from a Greek source). They then go on to analyze each phrase in the Lord's Prayer, or the Avinu (Our Father) Prayer. The style of writing is autobiographical. And, for those interested, there of photos on facebook of the sites that the authors visited in Israel while researching the book.

Our Father in Heaven.

May your name be sanctified.

May your kingdom be blessed.

Your will shall be done in heaven and on earth.

Give us our bread continually/daily

Forgive us the debt of our sins as we forgive the debt of those who sin against us.

Do not bring us into the hands of a test,

and protect us from all evil.

Amen.

This is an excellent book; I highly recommend it.

A Lion Among Men

"The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking." ~ Christopher Morley

I was disappointed in this book. I had hoped to learn more about what happened next... instead, I read the Cowardly Lion's back story.

Do you agree with the quote above? As an adult, I know I have deliberately used books to trap my mind into doing its own thinking. But, that is hardly the story of my life. I liked and indulged in a lot of fantasy books. I still do. I wasn't always a careful reader. Instead of thinking about what I was reading, I let the author's ideas teach me. When a story's characters, setting, and plot are pure fantasy, it is easy to just enjoy the story and not think too deeply about what is being said. The more fantastical the story, the easier it is not to think seriously about its contents. A Lion Among Men is a story that contains talking Lions, witches, magic books and is said to take place in a place that exists somewhere over the rainbow, Oz. It would be easy to thoughtlessly enjoy the books.

But, like the rest of the stories in this series, A Lion Among Men isn't purely fantasy. There is political posturing, wars and rumors of wars, ethical dilemmas, cultures and conflicts. The author's purpose in writing this series seems to be to educate his readers about the nature of evil, racism, class-ism and religious tolerance. He discusses the nature of man:

"We start out in identical perfection: bright, reflective, full of sun. The accident of our lives bruises us into dirty individuality. We meet with grief. Our character dulls and tarnishes. We meet with guilt. We know, we know: the price of living is corruption. There isn't as much light as there once was. In the grave we lapse back into undifferentiated sameness." (page 8)

In one short quote, the author has "taught" us something about what he believes to be true about the nature of man, the cause of evil and suffering the purpose of history and what happens to man after death. In the vehicle of a fantasy story, I doubt many readers critically examine whether or not the author is right. Does his thoughts agree with my thoughts? If not, upon what do I base my beliefs? Does what we observe about human nature, the behaviors of our own children, significantly agree with the author is asserting? Is my foundation sure?

I recently had a commenter write:

Those people who preface their remarks with, "Well, I'm a Christian and I think..." are officious and repugnant. What they're really saying is "I am worthier than you. My opinions carry more weight because I invoke the name of Christ."

I didn't approve the comment. I have a copy of the words in an email that was automatically sent to let me know someone had stopped by my blog. The same commenter left a series of negative comment on my blog. They all came from the same IP Address. In every case the commenter left a different name. So, I guess the comment was anonymous. There are a lot of very good reasons to write under an assumed name, including Internet privacy. But, if one is to assume a nom de plume, assume the same one. Did the commenter not believe enough in her words to stand behind them?

I do not mind people respectfully disagreeing with me, but the comment didn't add to the discussion. It was mostly just an indictment of me and my beliefs. But...

Well, I am a Christian and I think. I think a lot. Of the nature of man? My Bible, the foundation upon which I determine truth, teaches me that all humans are the crowning glory of God's creation, image-bearers. I am not worthier than you. When I preface my thoughts, it is only because I am communicating the tool I use for determining truth. Gregory Maguire is right, we start identical at birth, but it is our own nature that dulls and tarnishes our character. My history is not an accident; it is part of a divine plan. There is a pure light. It hasn't dulled, become distant or been extinguished. I just don't always choose to walk in it. And, I don't have any intention of spending eternity as an undifferentiated sameness. I don't have any intention of spending eternity as a disembodies spirit either. I plan on being bodily resurrected and spending eternity on this glorious, re-created Earth.

I challenge everyone, Christian or not, to read books thoughtfully.

Wicked

Readers, I have the feeling we're not in Oz anymore!

I will begin my review of Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West with a slight disclaimer. I am already irritated. I had been wanting to read this book series for quite some time. My oldest daughter obsesses over musicals and had downloaded some of the music from the musical. I was intrigued by the idea behind the book. Every story has two sides, Wicked tells the story of Oz from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West, Elphaba. The story is told well. So, why am I annoyed? Well, I had waited and waited until I learned the last book of what I thought was a trilogy was released. I hate waiting until the end of the story! I like to be able to set one book down and immediately pick up the next book. I am one of those irritating people who sometimes reads the very last chapter of the book first. Apparently, the story isn't tied up and put to bed after the third book. There are rumors that there might be a fourth book. Annoying!


This book's plots, its twists and turns and moralizing intrigued me. In fact, as soon as I finished reading it I went to the library to check out the next book in the series, Son of Witch. The themes of the books are related to the nature of evil, the fallibility of man (or beast as some of the Animals in the book talk), discrimination, marginalization, politics, betrayals and courage. These themes are woven into the fabric of the story and result in a meaningful story. Religion plays a central role in the book. When I read of the Unnamed God, I couldn't help but see parallels to Hashem, the Name. The word used to identify the God of Judaism. The God I believe came to Earth as the man Jesus. I don't know what Maguire's religious beliefs are, but I know what he thinks of Christians and Christianity. For the most part followers of the Unnamed God are presented as imbeciles at best. Powerful followers are hypocritical tyrants. Organized religion, far from being a vehicle of salvation, is presented as a means of oppression. Frankly, there are days I cannot muster the strength to argue this point. History records violence, wars and bloodshed all done in the name of Hashem. So many people who identify with Christianity have aligned themselves with the political extreme right and endorse laws decidedly aimed at creating a Christian Utopia. We are no longer known by our love but our politics.

Unlike the The Chronicle of the Imaginarium Geographica by James A. Owen whose books each stand alone as its own story, the books in the Wicked Years do not end when the last page is finished. There were unanswered questions from Wicked that were answered in Son of a Witch. Son of a Witch ended in a cliff hanger. The next book in the series is A Lion Among Men. The librarian put me on a waiting list. And, the fourth book? Unwritten. Unpublished. Not even a hint of a release date. I prefer, much prefer, an ending.

I suspect that many, if not most, of the people who read here identify themselves as Christian. I would guess that many of you homeschool too and might be looking for literature for your children. While this book could indeed be used as a basis for talking about worldviews or even to encourage your child to think about how Maguire's Oz is the different or the same as L. Frank Baum's Oz, I will leave you with a word of caution. If books had a rating system like the movies do, the Wicked Years would come with a parental advisory. There are explicitly described sex scenes, infidelity, drug and alcohol use. There is even an odd scene in which several characters have sex with a talking Tiger in a club while the rest of the patrons watch. The scene is not glorified at all. In fact one of the participants is driven to the brinks of insanity. It is his failing health that reintroduces him to Elphaba. It is through his influence that Elphaba begins to move forward from a traumatic event in her own life. So, while there seems to be a peripheral weirdness to having included a scene depicting bestiality, I suspect there are other ways the author could have brought the two characters together again. The same event also gives us a clue as to the nature of an odd crone who seems bent on protecting or destroying Elphaba (I haven't decided which. She is just around somewhere at every crucial juncture. Her presence is one of the story lines that is so far left unexplained.) Overall, with the exception of those sexual encounters that resulted in the birth of a main character, unless the purpose was to shock and repel readers, I didn't see the point. The book could have stood well without so many adult scenes, too bad really.

Not Letting Go

I have not given up on this blog. I simply did not have time to blog here last month. My oldest daughter has fetal alcohol syndrome. Like 94% of the people living on the spectrum, she is mentally ill. When she has a stable environment, adequate supervision, structure, routine and medications, she can be mostly stable. My daughter has not been stable this month. She was hospitalized on a locked adolescent psychiatric unit. Not every hospital has one of those. She was over 2 hours away. I drove to visit her, participate in family counseling and take her out on pass several times a week. I got home late, slept little.

I didn't get any reading done. Though I didn't have time or energy needed to read and digest a book, I didn't allow my mind to be uninspired. Luckily we live in a day and age in which there are other forms of media that can inspire us to think more clearly and live better lives.

When I realized I would be spending an enormous amount of time in my car, I headed for the library for a book on tape. I ended up checking out the audiobook Lessons of History by Will and Ariel Durant. Fascinating! Because I am a Christian, I try to build my worldview on the Bible. I believe it is the inspired word of God. At best the Durants were agnostic. Their worldview, or philosophy of life, was built on history. At some point the authors address all the major worldview questions including:

1. What is prime reality (God, gods, material universe)?
2. What is the nature of our external reality/the world around us?
3. What is a human being?
4. What happens to a person at death?
5. What is the cause of evil and suffering?
6. How do we know what is right and wrong?
7. What is the meaning of human history?

There was a part of the tape that seemed to attack one of my core values. The Declaration of Independence asserts, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." Durant argues that we are not equal, nature loves inequality. He further asserted that freedom and equality cannot coexist. When I was young, I would have described myself politically as an anarcho-capitalist. I am still no fan of big government, but parenting a child with a developmental disability has made me re-think my political views.

"I wanted to understand why I could take my dreams and connect them to reality and make my dreams come true. What was different about my brother's brain such that he could not connect his dreams to a common reality and the instead became delusions?" ~ Jill Bolte Taylor in My Stroke of Insight (page 2)

My daughter was not created equal. While the US may be able to provide her equal access to education and training, she will not be able to utilize it to develop her talents or to pursue happiness. Counting on charity to assist her as an adult is unrealistic. Church-based organizations tend to see her behaviors as a sign of a sinful, unrepentant heart. Rather than helped by the church, she (and my ability to parent her) have been judged. Even secularist believe that she should just make better choices. There are times I want to tell her to just snap out of it. I have learned after years of being her primary caretaker that she cannot. Even the things she wants most in life, things she is motivated to get, are out of reach. I am no longer clear as to what I believe the role of "good" government should be. I don't know what I want it to do and what I don't want it to do. I still understand that government resources are scarce. I don't lose sleep over it, but neither do I believe a trillion dollar national debt is good for our country. I don't want to encourage an atmosphere of entitlements. Still, I know that as an adult my daughter will struggle to meet her basic needs. I would rather subsidize housing and provide job training and support to those people with demonstrated difficulty in adapting to our cultural expectations than some of the other things the government chooses to spend its money on.

In addition to the text of the book, the CD includes interviews with the Durants. I don't know if Ariel Durant was declining at the time of the interview or if she was just sitting back and allowing her husband to stand in the limelight. She talks very little. But, I was amused whenever she spoke up. I suspect she acted as her husband's gadfly throughout their entire marriage.

Then, after my daughter came home, she insisted that we watch a movie that she had seen while in the hospital. We rented The Boy in Striped Pajamas, the tale of an unlikely friendship between two 8-year old boys. One is the son of a commandant in a World War II concentration camp; the other is a young Jewish boy. The story ends in tragedy. I enjoyed this movie; however, I couldn't help but wonder if the book is not better. I found that some of the characters seemed poorly developed. Their back stories were left untold. I may have to read this book.

Finally, I rented a French documentary called Her Name is Sabine, the story of a woman with autism. I am not sure this film would have had the impact on me had it not been for my daughter's recent hospitalization. The video shows Sabine's life in her group home today intermixed with flashbacks to her life as a young woman. Her condition has obviously and tragically deteriorated. My daughter doesn't have autism, but many of her behaviors mimic those of people on the autism spectrum of disorders. The home movies of a young Sabine show a woman who is functional and talented. My daughter has days like that. But, those days get mixed up with days where anxiety, an altered mood and unclear thought processes result in odd and sometimes dangerous behaviors. As a mother, the days I chose to make a written record or a photographic memory are the good days. I wondered how functional Sabine really was a young woman. Having a video crew tape your every move obviously interferes with Sabine's normal, daily structure. I wondered how dysfunctional Sabine really is as an adult.

Sabine currently has a lot of tremors and she drools. While she was in the hospital, my daughter was started on Abilify to help control her moods. The first time I saw her after this drug was started I cried all the way home. She had tremors; she was drooling. Her gait was slow and deliberate. She looked almost like a toddler who had just learned to walk and had to think through how to accomplish that feat. This side effect is somewhat better. Before she came home, I talked with the staff at the hospital about my concerns. The medication time was changed so that it is now given at night. My daughter is asleep when the medication is first absorbed and the blood level of the drug is at its peak. She has another medication she can take to control the side effects when needed.

My daughter sees herself differently since the hospitalization. She identifies herself as a mentally ill person in need of help. Her fetal alcohol syndrome and mental illness have become a cave in which she can escape to and hide. She was hospitalized after a suicide attempt. She took a Tylenol overdose. I felt like I needed to get her help. But, my actions have caused a change. She is emotionally scarred. I wonder if I did the right thing. She didn't take enough Tylenol to cause any liver damage. Could I have taken her home and increased my supervision of her? Locked up all the medicine in our home? I might have done this if she was younger. She will be an adult in 6 months. I knew I couldn't protect her forever. This fall, I have enrolled my daughter in a Day Treatment School. She will be surrounded by peers with emotional and behavioral problems. What will she learn from her peer group?

Lori at When the Taptap's Movin' wrote a blog entry that has been stuck in my mind. The entry tells the tale of a boy whose father must rescue him from a hungry crocodile. It ends with a reporter asking to see the scars. "Then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'"

I am not planning to let go. Is there a way I can attenuate the harm done by "therapy?"

My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey

After watching Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's TED video and learning that she had a book, I looked forward to reading My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. I remained excited as I read the introduction, "Every brain has a story and this is mine." As the parent of a child with a developmental disability secondary to prenatal exposure to alcohol and a masters prepared Critical Care Clinical Nurse Specialist, I am kind of into the story of brains. Perhaps my excitement and expectations led me to have too high expectations of this book and contributed to my being disappointed by the book itself.

Jill Bolte Taylor experienced a hemorrhagic stroke in 1996. The book details her experience of becoming dysfunctional and her eventual recovery. Although the author clearly states that she perceives herself as a "single entity with a single mind," most of the book describes the person she became when the left hemisphere of her brain wasn't working, a person unique and wholly different from the person she was pre-stroke.

I am a fan of the original Star Trek series. As I read this book, I couldn't help but think about an episode from Star Trek. In it Captain Kirk is transported back to the ship. The transporter malfunctions and instead of one Captain Kirk, there are two. One is analytical, cold and calculating; the other lived in his right mind. Neither captain could function long in the absence of the other. The brain works best when the right and left hemisphere work together.

The author presents her time in her right mind as a gift. She is almost evangelical in her zeal to describe the pantheistic Utopia she perceived after her stoke. It is, in my opinion, unfortunate that this worldview was presented in the context of a brain scientist talking about her stroke. Anatomy, physiology, pathophysiology and New Age spiritualism are all presented as facts that can be proven by delving deep enough into the human brain.

To the right mind, no time exists other than the present moment, and each moment is vibrant with sensation. Life or death occurs in the present moment. The experience of joy happens in the present moment. Our perception and experience of connection with something that is greater than ourselves occurs in the present moment. To our right mind, the moment of now is timeless and abundant. (page 29)

And again:

In the absence of all the rules and regulations that have already been defined as the correct way of doing something, our right mind is free to think intuitively outside the box, and it creatively explores the possibilities that each new moment brings. (page 29)

My daughter lives in her right mind most of the time. I describe it to people as her living in a four-frame life. She sees a few moments into the past the present and a moment into the future. Civil, family, work and school rules reside safely in her left brain. She rarely accesses them; she creatively develops plans to meet her perceived needs without giving any thought to consequences she might incur. Living in her right mind is not a gift; it is a debilitating liability that will likely keep her dependent even when she reaches adulthood. As I read, I felt like the author communicated that a functioning left brain was a problem that needed to be overcome.

Still, I found that the book was a rich resource for health care professionals who invest their time and energy in acutely and critically ill people. The author correctly points out that a "hospitals number one responsibility should be protecting its patients' energy levels." Nurses already know this. But, with the exception of the affect of nursing care on a patients intracranial pressure, I don't know that there is a lot of research done on this topic.

Having just completed and complained about having to prove competence in nursing by participating in continuing education, I present this argument against test based competency assessment. Knowledge does not equal competency. It is a component of competency but it is never synonymous.

I realized that some people brought energy while others took it away. One nurse was very attentive to my needs: Was I warm enough? Did I need water? Was I in pain? Naturally, I felt safe in her care. She made eye contact and was clearly providing me with a healing space. A different nurse, who never made eye contact, shuffled her feet as though she were in pain. This woman brought me a tray with milk and jello, but neglected to realize that my hands and fingers could not open the containers. I desperately wanted to consume something, but she was oblivious to my needs. She raised her voice when she spoke to me, not realizing that I wasn't deaf. Under the circumstances, her lack of willingness to connect with me scared me. I didn't feel safe in her care. (page 77)

Finally, the list of 'Forty Things I Needed Most' is extremely helpful in caring for someone who is neurologically atypical, no matter what the cause.

June Summary

June was a good month, brain-wise. My husband traveled. I do miss him when he is away; I always get more me time when he is on the road. I am an introvert, so I appreciate the extra time to myself. I read three full-length books and two books of poetry.

Additionally, it was time for me to renew my nursing license. When I was working full time, this was an easy task. The education department at the hospital I was employed in made it a priority to make sure that there were plenty of on campus opportunities to earn the continuing education credits that the state requires you have when you renew your license. I no longer work outside the home. I keep my nursing license so that I can work if I need to become our home's primary bread winner. I hope that my life never comes to that. If I just needed a job for extra money, I would never re-enter health care and subject myself to shift rotations, holidays away from family, the legal liability, and ever larger patients. I especially wouldn't do it in my current community where the hospital contract and salary scale doesn't recognize my masters degree and as my experience was gained in a different community would only pay me for half of my experience. So, I read and completed a professional course too.

I didn't watch any movies this month. I have none to recommend. But, I did go see Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur. It was okay. My 3- and 5-year old loved it! I like Up better.

Selected Poems

Ondra Lysohorsky's Selected Poems is listed on Phillip Ward's A Lifetime's Reading: The World's 500 Greatest Books. Unfortunately, English translations of this delightful collection seem widely unavailable. It is out of print. I picked up a copy on e-Bay. Even after paying shipping, the book cost less than $10. Ondra Lysohorsky is the nom de plume assumed by Ervín Goj, a Czech poet who lived from 1905 - 1989.

Reading his poetry was like walking through history and hearing, through the words of a poet, a first-hand account of the reaction of the people who were living at the time. He lived in a time when the world was only 2-million years old, when science rather than saving humanity had shown how truly dangerous technology could be, when our world was consumed with wars.

Hands at work.
Hands at love.
Hands at death.

Hands playing a violin.
Hands on the trigger in the aircraft of Hiroshima.
Hands in prayer. (Hands)

He grew up in the Czech Republic where a statue of Jan Hus stands as a reminder to the failings of the Western church and a religious system. And he writes:

The dead philosophy student
testifies louder

than debates in the vortex of human pillar of fire
which will sweep through Prague

till the end of the history of this city steeped in fire
and blood
where John Huss has preached in vain

for over five centuries:
'He that will not serve truth, conscience and humanity

shall lose his power.' (Ballad of Jan Palach, Student and Heretic)

And my personal favorite:

When my hair was black,
all here below seemed ill-arranged.

When it became grey,
slowly my eyes opened.

Now when my hair is white,
I see eternity in every moment. (Ballad of Hair)

Simply delightful! I am glad the person who listed this on e-Bay didn't know that it was a rare, hard to find book that usually sells for more.

Does Your House Have Lions

I am trying to diversify my reading. Does Your House Have Lions was featured in a blog entry I read. I can't remember whose blog I was reading or I would link to it. I didn't care for this book. To me the most intriguing part of the book was the cover.

One day in the late sixties, I was on the phone with Rahsaan and mentioned to him that just that day I had bought a house. He responded by asking, "Does your house have lions?" I said, "What?" He said, "Lions. You know, like in the front of a museum or the post office. You know, concrete lions. My house has lions. Get a house with lions." ~ Joel Dorn, May 1993 from the Rahsaan Roland Kirk Anthology.

The lions strength and courage make him a symbol of strength. The title asks you to consider the strengths in your home. Sonia Sanchez's brother died of complications related to HIV/AIDS. This poem tells his story. More specifically it tells the story of how painful it sometimes is to be a part of a family. In families we share each others pain. The choices another person makes often result in burdens that we must carry. Being connected in a family can be indescribably painful, but it is a source of strength too.

The reason I didn't care for this book is that it is written in E.E. Cumming's style. The author chose to use creative punctuation and grammar. There are periods breaking up a thought, but the sentence structure doesn't follow normal grammar rules. I found this style of writing distracting. It deprived me of visual cues and made the writing difficult to follow. Capital letters aren't used except occasionally. By their rarity, they catch the eye of the reader and demand that the reader answer, "Why is that there? What is being emphasized?" Sometimes I couldn't figure it out.

came the summer of nineteen sixty
harlem luxuriating in Malcolm's voice
became Big Red beautiful became a city
of magnificent Black Birds steel eyes moist

I found the author's name on the front cover artwork intriguing. It is written sonia saNchez. E.E. Cummings used a lowercase I when writing. I have read that he wanted to make himself lowercase, equal to, the other pronouns. He was communicating that he wasn't anymore important than other people. Frankly, I think the calling attention to yourself by writing i is fairly prideful. But, his example has been followed by others, including k.d. lang. And, I found myself wondering, "Why the upper case N?"

Ancestors have an important role in the poem. I have actually spent a great deal of time thinking about this. Since my kids are from Haiti, their ancestors likely came from West Africa. I have been reading quite a bit about Haitian vodou. When we were in Haiti getting the children, we were kept awake all night by the drumming and chanting of a nearby vodou ceremony. And, at least in Haiti, while the spirit of a person's ancestor is honored and served, they aren't worshiped. Like Christianity, Haitian vodou is a monotheistic religion.

The poem ends with a stanza in which the ancestor's ask:

where are the gods when we need them?

Perhaps this question is a universal response when the death of a young person creates a spiritual crisis and the world suddenly is seen as extremely unfair.

Sophie's World

Sophie's World: A Novel About the History of Philosophy by Jostein Gaarder is a mysterious book. The first mystery is how I came to possess a copy of this book in the first place. My oldest daughter has a fine at the library. She just bought a new car and has learned that gas and car repairs really eat into your spendable income. She can't afford her fine. She reads a lot. In desperation, she browsed our bookshelves for something to read. She found this book. Neither my husband nor I had read it before. Neither of us remember adding it to our home's library. But, my daughter was thrilled to find that we had something to read!

Her review, "Mom. This book is weird. The philosophy is good, but the story is weird."

My sentiments exactly! The story is weird, but the bird's eye view of philosophical thought is very well done. We home school. For the past three years, my oldest daughter's curriculum has included a combined philosophy and history course. I suspect the book contains everything my daughter remembers from her studies. This book is worth reading for that reason alone; it is quite enjoyable and thought provoking. Highly recommended.

"Nobody asked you to like it. But philosophy is not a harmless party game. It's about who we are and where we come from. Do you think we learn enough about that in school?" (page 186)

What we think matters. It affects how we behave, how we prioritize and what we believe to be true. My thoughts on Sophie's World are colored by my personal worldview. I suspect that most of the people that read here followed me from my regular blog and are aware of my worldview. For those who find this entry another way, I believe man can begin to understand truth through both reason and revelation. As long as I can remember I have had an understanding of the existence of God. I no longer try to answer the question of whether this understanding is innate or a result of my life experiences. As a young adult, I tried life without a theistic worldview and the consequences of my lifestyle choices were unpleasant. The scripture I accept as the oracles of God are the Jewish Tanakh and the first person accounts of life of Christ as preserved by the early church.

"These are My words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things which are written about Me in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms must be fulfilled." ~ Luke 24:44

Although this book is not anti-Christian, it doesn't present Christianity from a Christian worldview. Christ is presented as a great man and a great philosopher. But, he is presented as a man and not God in the flesh.

"I shall leave a more thorough study of Jesus and his teachings to your religion teacher. He will have quite a task. I hope he will succeed in showing what an exceptional man Jesus was." (page 156).

What I found striking as I thought through this book is how philosophy has led both Christians and humanists to a similar conclusion about society. Compare these two thoughts. First:

"The Enlightenment philosophers thought that once reason and knowledge became widespread, humanity would make great progress. It could only be a question of time before irrationalism and ignorance would give way to an 'enlightened' humanity." (page 312)

And:

"But Kant went further than simply to establish that these weighty questions should be left to the faith of the individual. He believed that it is essential for morality to presuppose that man has an immortal soul, that God exists, and that man has a free will." (page 328)

The first quote reminds me that we are still trying to create Eden through purely human efforts. In my opinion, the second clearly describes what is wrong with the Christian right today. The Westminster Shorter Confession answers the question, "What is the chief end of man," by affirming that we are to to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever. While living a moral life might be a means to that end, it is not the end. Yet, ever since I have been old enough to vote, elections and campaign promises have been about legislating another person's life. In the process, America is less free than it was 20 years ago. The Christian right has supported anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage, pro-family values candidates without questioning their big federal government, more regulations visions. No one seems to care that our country is broke. We can't create a perfectly moral world by human effort. The church needs to go back to her first commission. We should be making disciples and allowing the Holy Spirit to work out other people's salvation.

"After Marx, the socialist movement split into two main streams. Social Democracy and Leninism. Social Democracy, which has stood for a gradual and peaceful path in the direction of socialism, was Western Europe's way. We might call this the slow revolution." (page 397)

America continues its descent into socialism. As the government takes substantial control over the day to day operations of the country, I will have less choice about how I want to spend my time, talents and treasures. I believe a socialist government is inherently oppressive. But, I will always be free, God created me with a free will. I can choose to act and think in a way that is contrary to my nature.

I was glad that the author of Sophie's World seemed to recognize that socialism doesn't necessarily equate to Utopia.

"There will probably never be a 'promised land.' Mankind will always create new problems to fight about." (page 397)

The Disabled God

The Disabled God: Toward A Liberating Theology of Disability has been on my bookshelf and on my reading wish list for quite some time. Recently, while blog reading and following links to possibly related posts, I came across a tribute to the author, Nancy Eiesland Is Dead at 44; Wrote of a Disabled God. In discussing why she hoped she would be disabled in heaven, she is recorded as saying that without her disability she would be, "absolutely unknown to myself and perhaps to God." Her answer intrigued me. I moved this book, once buried under a stack of books I wanted to read some day, closer to the top of the stack.

Before I begin discussing the book itself, since this is a book blog, here is what the author believed about books:

Beginning during many long hospital stays in my childhood, I long cherished the mistaken notion that books were for escape. Through the years, educators have changed my mind. Books should inspire action; good books may even help us live better lives, individually and collectively.

I think there is a place for books that are brain candy. There are times I cannot read and focus on books that require too much thinking. But, there is also a place for books that inspire action and change the way we think. The Disabled God is not brain candy! The book starts with a review of literature related to disability and disability rights in society in general. Then, as if we needed to be told, relates how the church has mirrored society. The universal church's response to the person with a disability has often been less than adequate. Ms. Eiesland then discusses the theological obstacles to full inclusion and describes a new Christology in which the resurrected Christ is understood as disabled. Finally, using the Eucharist, Ms. Eiesland discusses how church practices must change if the church is to include, in a meaningful way, people with disabilities in the faith community.

People with disabilities, particularly children born with disabilities, do not fit neatly into the church's theology. It is hard to embrace a omnipotent, loving God who would allow human suffering. Our habit of twisting individual passages or even a single verse and forcing a theology of disability has resulted in three distorted theological views. The first one is that disability is a sign of sin. This understanding blames the individual (or his or her parents) for their disability. The second is that disability is almost a gift to those who are the most virtuous, most faithful and can be counted on to suffer well. Finally, that the disabled are an opportunity for segregationist almsgiving. The author describes these theological positions as dangerous in terms of inclusion.

Throughout the Old Testament, people with disabilities are spoken of as unclean. They were not allowed to serve as priests or enter the temple. In the New Testament, Jesus spoke in parables teaching his disciples spiritual truths by using examples from the physical world. In the New Testament the blind, deaf and lame portray the common experience of spiritual hardness of heart, moral failings and wickedness; we are all unclean. Ms. Eiesland points out that we must not use Scripture as an invitation to deny the real differences and challenges the person with a disability encounters as they live their life.

While all people do experience sin, not all people face architectural segregation and discrimination on the basis of disability."(page 85)

Truthfully, my mind mentally kicked and shied away from much of the book's theology. I couldn't embrace the author's thesis that God is disabled. While humans are embodied spirits, I do not think that the Bible supports that God is a corporeal being. The physical world is created, finite and limited. The God of the Bible is eternal, infinite and limitless. Christ taught that God is Spirit. (John 4:24) But, the author never talks about God in these terms. When she speaks of a disabled God, she is speaking of Christ.

"At the resurrection, the disciples understood the person of Jesus for who he really was. Only through the lens of resurrection could they understand the meaning and significance of the life of Jesus on earth. In the resurrected Jesus Christ, they saw not the suffering servant for whom the last and most important word was tragedy and sin, but the disabled God who embodied both impaired hands and feet and pierced side and the imago Dei." (page 99)

I don't want to sound like I am accusing the author of heresy. Her thoughts on God were what helped her make sense of a difficult earthly life. But, I didn't feel the concept of God described in this book incorporates the fullness of God. I understand Christ to be my Messiah, Emmanuel, God with us. However, an orthodox view of God must certainly embrace God as Father and Spirit too. Additionally, I do not believe the author supported her assumption that the resurrected Christ was disabled. Earlier in the book, in a section called "Coming To Terms," Ms. Eiesland conceptually defined the words "impairment" and "disability." There are subtle but important distinctions in how these terms are used. An impairment is a abnormality in the body's physiologic form or function. Disability occur when the impairment results in an inability to perform a task or activity considered necessary. While I can agree that nail prints in the hands and feet and a pierced side could be described as physical impairments, nothing in the gospels indicate that these physical impairments disabled Christ. Christ didn't crawl out of the grave needing assistance with his activities of daily living.

Still, there were two things that the author said that I tend to agree with. First, "Resurrection is not about the negation or erasure of our disabled bodies in hopes of perfect images, untouched by physical disability; rather Christ's resurrection offers hope that our nonconventional, and sometimes, difficult, bodies participate fully in the imago Dei." (page 107) The Bible records that Jesus was raised in the same body he died in. This is a relatively new understanding for me. I used to think my daughter, born with fetal alcohol syndrome, would be healed in the resurrection. I no longer believe that is true. In Don't Mourn for Us by Jim Sinclair, an autistic man, argues:

Autism isn't something a person has, or a "shell" that a person is trapped inside. There's no normal child hidden behind the autism. Autism is a way of being. It is pervasive; it colors every experience, every sensation, perception, thought, emotion, and encounter, every aspect of existence. It is not possible to separate the autism from the person--and if it were possible, the person you'd have left would not be the same person you started with.

FASD is pervasive. God cannot separate FASD from my daughter and still have the same person she is today. She would think and relate to God differently.

Also, I significantly agree with the author's assertion that the church is disabled.

Christ's body, the church, is broken, marked by sin, divided by disputes, and exceptional in its exclusivity.

Last, her discussion on the Eucharist was eye opening. My husband's family is Lutheran. I have attended several Lutheran services where I watched the entire congregation walk to the front of the sanctuary. Those people in attendance who couldn't walk didn't have to go forward. After the rest of the congregation had been served the sacraments, the person serving the Eucharist would bring the sacraments to those who hadn't been able to participate "normally."

"Hence the Eucharist was transformed for me from a corporate to a solitary experience; from a sacralization of Christ's broken body to a stigmatization of my disable body."

And, I never gave it a second thought, until now.

The Histories

After the mad tyrant Nero committed suicide to avoid being beaten to death, I suspect many Romans breathed a collective sigh of relief. How could they know that what would follow was civil war? Nero was succeeded by Galba. If I have read the story correctly, Galba refused to pay cash rewards to soldiers who had supported him. "I select my troops, I don't buy them." This apparently offended some of the troops who then refused to pledge their allegiance to him. They began searching for a replacement emperor, one who would owe his power and position to the soldiers. Well, you can't have a new emperor if the old one is still alive. So, the first order of business was to assassinate Galba. They also assassinated his adopted heir, Lucius Calpurnius Piso Licinianus. In a speech prior to his death, Piso said:

"If 'constitution,' 'senate' and 'people' are merely empty phrases, it is up to you men, to see that the emperor is not created by the dregs of the army."

Galba and Piso's death on January 15, 69 AD heralded the beginning of the Year of Four Emperors -- the year Romans learned that emperors could be made by Armies rather than bloodline or senate pronouncement. The Histories by Tacitus is the story of the wars that were fought during that year. It is a tales of forced fealties, treason, bloodshed, and personal vendettas being settled at the state level. The tide of history turned on single battles. Whole companies and squadrons were surrendered to the winning side. The commanding officer hoped to gain favor with the soon to be emperor and keep his head. It is a tale as old as time.

"From time immemorial, man has had an instinctive love of power. With the growth of our empire, this instinct has become a dominant and controlling force. It was easy to maintain equality when Rome was weak. World-wide conquest and the destruction of all rival communities or petentates opened the way to the secure enjoyment of wealth and an overriding appetite for it." (Book 2, Chapter 38)

There were parts of this book I really enjoyed. I didn't much care for the protracted descriptions of the battles. Tacitus would not be accused of just presenting the facts. His bias is evident throughout the book. I am not suggesting that he made up history. But, if he thought a leader was spineless, unworthy, undisciplined and greedy, he was quick to say so.

And, he was quick to make moral judgments.

"Soon after, the boy came of age, and having been called up by Galba for services in the Seventh, chanced to encounter his father in the battle and wounded him seriously. As he was searching the prostrate and semi-conscious figure, father and son recognized each other. Embracing the dying man, the son prayed in words choked by sobs that his father's spirit would be appeased and not bear him ill-will as a parricide: the act was not a personal one, and one single soldier was merely an infinitesimal fraction of the forces engaged in the civil war. With these words, he took up the body, dug a grave, and discharged the last duty to his father. Some nearby troops noticed this, then more and more; and so throughout the lines ran a current to wonder and complaint, and men cursed this cruelest of wars. However, this did not stop them killing and robbing relatives, kinsmen and brothers: they said to each other that a crime had been done -- and in the same breath did it themselves." (Book 3, Chapter 25)

Book Five of The Histories contains Tacitus' history of the Jewish nation. It is unlike anything you will read in the Bible. Well, except he does mention Moses and finding water for the nation. But, what I am sure irritated the Roman emperors the most was:

"They hold it to be impious to make idols of perishable materials in the likeness of man: for them the Most High and Eternal cannot be portrayed by human hands and will never pass away. For this reason they erect no images in their cities, still less in their temple. Their kings are not so flattered, the Roman emperors not so honored."

Accidental Blogging

I was in the cities this week with my youngest daughter. While there, we stayed with my sister. I checked my blogs on my sister's computer. The layout of this blog looked horrible on her large, wide flat screen monitor! So, I have been playing. Apparently, I can not tell the computer to stretch a photo to cover the whole surface of a screen. So, I made some compromises so that the layout looked okay on all the monitors I have access to. While I was at it, I updated my layout with a ribbon book mark and a bookdart.

May Summary

Can you believe it is June already?

I completed two books this month. Yes, two. I have struggled with finding time to read this month. But that isn't the only problem. I have also had trouble focusing on the books I have chosen to read. First, I was trying to finish my Lenten reading. I know, it is past Pentecost and I should be done with that sort of thing by now. But, I am having trouble reading All the Messianic Prophecies of the Bible by Dr. Herbert Lockyer. I am not enjoying the book and not because the content is bad. In my opinion the book is formatted poorly. Similar to a dictionary, it is formatted in two columns. There are only slim margins along the page edge and between the columns. I find it visually unattractive and, even with my old-lady reading glasses, I am having trouble zeroing in on a line of text. The words seem to all blur. It slows me down tremendously. I am more aware of the fact that I am annoyed than what I happen to be reading.

I have found that this book challenges the "grading system" I have for books. Here is how I evaluate books:

1 star ~ Printing this book wasted perfectly good trees. Purchasing the book wasted my hard earned money. And, reading this book wasted precious time with my family and friends. Why would anyone publish such drivel? Someone else might be able to find something redeeming about this book, but it was not my cup of tea.

2 stars ~ After shifting through the chafe, I found nuggets of gold, real wisdom. However, the book is unnecessarily wordy or presents ideas which are poorly argued. A book that could have been great but, in my opinion is poorly written.

3 stars ~ A book I would recommend you bring to read while you lie in the sun, wait for your car to be repaired, recover from surgery or escape from the stressors of your real life. It is entirely delightful but not life changing, brain candy really.

4 stars ~ The epitome of excellence. Far from brain candy, there is something about the story that is scholarly, revolutionary or captivating that draws the reader into the pages and makes the book difficult to put down.

5 stars ~ I am glad I didn’t die without reading this book

This book is scholarly (4 stars). There are some real nuggets of wisdom and I hate it (1 star). Anyway, I can only read a couple of pages at a time and then I put it down.

Then I tried to read The Histories by Tacitus. This wasn't a good choice for me this month either. It started strong:

After the conflict at Actium, and when it became essential to peace, that all power should be centered in one man, these great intellects passed away. Then too the truthfulness of history was impaired in many ways; at first, through men's ignorance of public affairs, which were now wholly strange to them, then, through their passion for flattery, or, on the other hand, their hatred of their masters. And so between the enmity of the one and the servility of the other, neither had any regard for posterity.

I thought, this could be talking about America today. By in large we have centralized power, twisted histories, a citizenry ignorant of the political process and history. And, no one seems to care. But then, as the title implies, Tacitus began to tell the history of Ancient Rome. I usually like that kind of thing, but I found myself unable to focus.

Well, so much for the books I didn't finish reading. The two books I did finish were The Whitest Wall – Book One Bootleg Brother’s Trilogy by Jodee Kulp. I had hoped to write a review of this book on my personal blog and for Shelfari, but I haven't done that yet. I also read The Gift of Black Folk: The Negroes in the Making of America by W.E.B. DuBois. There is an African proverb that says, "Only when lions have historians will hunters cease being heroes." Dubois is an excellent historian! I really enjoyed reading this history book from the perspective of a black American. History in high school didn't tell the story from the same perspective.

I must have had my own personal Black History month. I had asked for several movies from Netflix for our home school for February. But, I apparently wasn't the only one who thought to do this. The movies were on back order and they finally trickled to my home this month. We watched, We Shall Not Be Moved and When We Were Kings. I am embarrassed to admit that I really like When We Were Kings. Last, Marissa was studying World War 1 in home school. To introduce the topic we watched World War 1: American Legacy which talked about the Harlem Hellfighters.

Finally, for those reading The Chronicle of the Imaginarium Geographica by James A. Owen, I would like to draw your attention to a comment the author made on this blog. An exerpt:

Believe me, I haven't ignored or disregarded these very important matters - I just can't do it all in one or two books!

Related: My thoughts on The Whitest Wall

April Summary

I read 5 books in April. I was on a roll and then an awful, terrible, no-good cold hit our home. By then end of the day, I am ready for bed. That is usually the time I get in bed, turn on my reading light and indulge. After all, reading is way more fun when the little kids are tucked in. Add to that, my oldest daughter was sick and hospitalized with vomiting and I spent 3-days holding an emesis bag. I have written reviews on all the books I read on this blog. I am still reading The Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions on occasion. So, that must be my favorite book.

I decided not to choose between the two movies that I watched this month and thought I would just recommend both. First, Mother of Mine, a Swedish film set during World War II, follows the life of a young Eero Lahti as he is forced to leave Finland. He, like 70,000 other children, are being sent to Sweden as refugees. Then, La Vie en Rose, a French film about the life of songbird Edith Piaf. The two movies couldn't be more different, but somehow they tell the same story. When a childhood is marred by neglect or war, separation, and bad choices made by frail, imperfect human parents, those experiences take their toll on the person's adult life. Of the two, I felt Mother of Mine was a better movie. La Vie en Rose, in my opinion, suffered by the way it was told. The movie begins with Edith collapsing on stage and continues with a series of fractured, non-chronological scenes from her life. Some of the scenes were dream-like and seemed to attempt to artistically convey Edith's fragile state of mind rather than being a real event. The movie is what we would have seen had Pablo Picasso decided to direct a movie. I "don't get" impressionist art and I didn't always follow this impressionistic movie.

The Chronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica

My husband is out of town. I am blogging more. I am reading more. I am sleeping less. My house is a little messier. I have spent the last few days catching up to my daughter by reading the second and third book of The Chronicle of the Imaginarium Geographica by James A. Owen. I enjoyed these two books more than I did the first one and I am not sure it is because they are better written. I think it is more because I spent the season of Lent reading deep books that required a lot of concentration and which stimulated a lot of after-reading thought. I like that sort of thing, but my brain was ready for dessert. Neither book required much thought.

In the second book, The Search for the Red Dragon, the stories main characters have to save Peter Pan and the children of the Imaginarium Geographica. The third book was, in my opinion, the best of the three books I have read. The Indigo King features an altered time line a la It's a Wonderful Life or Back to the Future. Someone goes back in time and interferes with Arthur Pendragon from becoming King Arthur thus creating an alternate current reality -- a reality where England is not England, is ruled by a despot king who apparently can never die and is overrun with giants and mythical creatures. The Imaginarium apparently no longer exists. Its absence is not really explained in the book, but theoretically, it would be easy to wipe out a land based upon human imagination in an environment in which books, reading and creativity do not flourish.

After reading the first book, I was concerned about how the author was going to continue to carry off a series which featured much beloved writers as the main characters. Apparently, so was the author:

After Here, There Be Dragons was published, and the real identities of John, Jack and Charles became common knowledge, I realize that the challenge I faced with The Search for the Red Dragon was to be able to continue their story and still keep the characters (who were based on well-known and much-beloved authors) fresh and interesting. ~ Author's Note that appears at the end of The Search for the Red Dragon

And, that is the one thing that is bugging me about this series. It is apparent that the author of this series is a fan and respects the fantasy writings of John and Jack. I haven't read Charles Williams, but I suspect if I did I would find illusions to Williams' writings in The Chronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica too. But, it doesn't appear to me that he has the same respect for these men's spiritual views. The best example I can give is the third book. There is a scene in the third book in which Lewis, Tolkien, and Hugo Dyson are on a walk. Lewis credits his conversion from theocracy, the belief in a higher power, to Christianity to these two men. The book is supposed to be speculation regarding what happened to convince Lewis that Christianity was true. And, the book does a dismal job of presenting the Christ of the Bible. Joseph of Arimathea, a saint venerated in both the Orthodox and Roman Catholic church, is transformed into the man who hides Christ's children in the Imaginarium. Lewis is converted to Christianity because he meets a descendant of Christ.

But, perhaps Lewis would be less annoyed with the portrayal than I am. Because, he knew that God cannot be made less by man's ponderings and story telling.

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. ~ CS Lewis quote

The fourth book comes out in October 2009. I have preordered it. Because, while I find the stories on one level brain candy, on another level a way to talk to my child about how the world presents Christ. It allows us to ponder, "Who do you say that I am?" She is loving them and reading them over and over.

Great Lent: Journey to Pascha

This is the second year I have read this book. I am a bit of a hands-on, visual, experience it learner. When I read this book last year, I flew through and really understood Chapter 1 (about 30 pages). Then I began to struggle, not with the individual ideas the author was writing about, but with visualizing the big picture.

From a comment by DebD on this blog:

I would love to know what you thought about Schmemann's chapter on Presanctified though. I remember when I first read it I was so confused.

I guess I will I am less confused then last year. I don't think I can experience Lent in the same way as my Orthodox friends do, but I found as I read Great Lent: Journey to Pascha, my mind kept picking up parallels between what I do in my home and what I was reading in the book. My thinking has advanced from learning facts about Lent to seeing application.

During Lent, the Orthodox church reads the entire books of Genesis, Isaiah, and Proverbs. Because our family celebrates Passover, I generally study Exodus and contemplate the freedom we have because the Lamb of God was slain. Isaiah portrays the Messiah as a suffering servant; it contains prophecies of Christ's crucifixion. Genesis would also be a good choice. Not only does Genesis tell the story of God's good creation, the fall, the promise of a Savior and the story of sin's repercussions, Genesis is the story of a bride -- the perfect story for studying while preparing to remember Christ's passion! At Calvary, Christ paid the bride price for the church. When we drink the wine and eat the bread of communion, we accept Christ's offer of marriage. We begin the process of cleansing ourselves during unleavened bread. At Pentecost our engagement is sealed. We become betrothed to Christ. Finally, the fall festival speaks of the marriage of the Lamb. Perfect!

My mother heart responded to this quote about the Prodigal Son:

"A man who has never had that experience, be it only very briefly, who had never felt that he is exiled from God and from real life, will never understand what Christianity is about." (page 21)

How often do I interfere with my children's ability to understand Christianity because I hold on too tightly to the reigns? Since becoming a mom, I have had to expand my understanding of what it means to sin. I had always understood sin to be a list of bad behaviors a person engages in. I have come to know that very good things can be done from wrong motivations. I cannot judge a man's heart. I have come to know that behavior doesn't trump motives. Still, my children are not developmentally where I am; they haven't been following Christ as long. They haven't had my life experiences. They gain an experiential knowledge of sin the same way Adam and Eve did -- by choosing sin. Sometimes the limits I set are too controlling. I worry about the financial and emotional costs and the just plain inconvenience of their sinful choices. But, the focus of my worry is rarely eternal. If I had an eternal focus, I think I would leave more wiggle room for sin. I would allow my children the freedom to make bad choices so that I could give them the gift of learning how to deal with sin in their life. Most importantly, I would allow them to experience God's forgiveness.

The church very often, if not always transposes the past into present. Thus on Christmas Day, we sing, "Today the Virgin gives birth..."; on Good Friday, "Today stands Jesus before Pilate..."; on Palm Sunday, "Today He comes into Jerusalem..." (page 80)

This is very similar to what is done during a Passover Seder:

• Why is this night different from all other nights?
• Why is it that on all other nights during the year we eat either bread or matzoh, but on this night we eat only matzoh?
• Why is it that on all other nights we eat all kinds of herbs, but on this night we eat only bitter herbs?
• Why is it that on all other nights we do not dip our herbs even once, but on this night we dip them twice?
• Why is it that on all other nights we eat either sitting or reclining, but on this night we eat in a reclining position?

The Passover Seder is not supposed to be celebrated as a memory of a past event. It is actually a re-creation of a living event. Each person at the Seder should understand that they personally came out of slavery. This is why I understand that when I celebrate and recreate the Last Supper, I am with the apostles on the night before Jesus died. I eat the afikomen, the broken body of Christ, and drink the Cup of Redemption in the real presence of Christ. Schmemann calls this the "presence of the absent." (page 82)

Perhaps, it is easier to understand transposing the past into the present, by observing Rembrandt's The Raising of the Cross. Rembrandt understood what so many have forgotten, he was there when they crucified Christ. He painted his own face on the soldier who was lifting the cross. Christ's defeat of death means that we are victorious too. In a way it seems a little sad that we need to put so much physical and spiritual work into the season of Lent. Every year, I have strayed and need to be called back to the cross -- reminded of my own victory.

Meditations on a Theme: A Spiritual Journey

I have finished all but one of the books in my Lenten reading plan. Since our family tradition honors Passover and our church is on the Western church calendar, my Lenten preparation is over. I didn't finish
All the Messianic Prophecies of the Bible by Herbert Lockyer. I will just save it for this months reading.

Bloom's Meditations on a Theme was a delight. If I were in a liturgical church, I might not have enjoyed it as Lenten reading. The journey that Bloom is contemplating is a pre-Lenten journey designed to prepare the Orthodox faithful for the physical and spiritual discipline of Lent. If my research is correct, the sermons outlined in Bloom's book begin 5 weeks before the beginning of Lent.

This is the first step, which we must accept and which we find so difficult to accept: we must face our true situation, not consoling ourselves with the thought that we have some sort of life within us that can replace divine life. We must accept that we are in darkness as far as the light of God is concerned. And then we must do something about it. ~ An Introduction to Lent

On humility:

"This is the only means we have of releasing ourselves from the fear of public opinion, from the subservience which frustrates our finding the courage and the opportunity to reform our lives, since we have chosen human values as our criterion. As soon as we have freed ourselves from that we are left with our conscience alone, wherein the voice of God sounds freely, declaring us the judgment of God and enabling us to begin to live fully and in freedom."(page 69)

While contemplating the story of the Prodigal Son, Bloom gives perhaps the best description of the gospel, the good news, that I have ever read.

And in this he discovers the true nature of repentance, for true repentance blends together the vision of one's own evil and the certainty that there is forgiveness even for us because true love can neither falter nor be quenched. When there is only a hopeless vision of our own faults, repentance remains unfulfilled; it brings remorse and may lead to despair."
(page 78)

Finally, on March 29, my adult Sunday school teacher gave the message at church. His proof text came from Matthew 22:15-22. I had read that story and Christ's admonishment to, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s," many, many times. I had always read the story in the physical. I missed the spiritual understanding that I am to give unto God that which is in God's image. When my Sunday school teacher talked about this, I wondered how I could miss so obvious a spiritual connection! The same week I read:

"What bears the image of Caesar is his own, what bears God's own image, belongs to him: Give to each what is his -- the money to him who coined it and impressed it with his sign, but your whole self to him whose image is imprinted in you; we are God's as completely as the tribute money is Caesar's." (page 91)

I just love when I get the same message from more than one source. It feels like a confirmation.

The Valley of Vision

The Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions was on my reading list for the month preceding Passover and First Fruits. As the title implies, it is a book of prayers. The prayers are short; most are less than a page in length. I kept this book in the front pocket of my purse along with a pair of reading glasses. Whenever I found myself out and about with extra time, I pulled it out. It was the perfect book to bring along when I had to pick Marissa up from work and wait for her to get off. It was also the perfect book to read during this season of preparation.

Christ died on Passover. This is the day that God commanded that the Israelites remembered how God miraculously saved them from slavery in Egypt (Leviticus 23). Do this in remembrance of me -- Christians are commanded to remember this night too. Each of us has been personally brought out of our slavery to sin, death and the world. The time of preparation reminds us of the feelings, life and consequences we had while we were enslaved. It is a time to remember that there is still tyranny and enslavement in our world today.

"Keep me in the freedom of experiencing thy salvation continually."

It is a time to remember what we were saved from:

Keep me ever mindful of my natural state,
but let me not forget my heavenly title,
or the grace that can deal with every sin.

It is a time to prepare to celebrate Christ's sacrifice and resurrection; a time to remember that we have died to our old life.:

Give me to die with thee that I may rise to new life
for I wish to be as dead and buried
to sin, selfishness, to the world;
that I might not hear the voice of the charmer,
and might be delivered from his lusts.
O Lord, there is much ill about me -- crucify it,
much flesh within me -- mortify it.
Purge me from selfishness, the fear of man, the love of approbation,
the shame of being thought old-fashioned,
the desire to be cultivated or modern.

March Summary

I read only four books this month. I have started more books, but I keep getting sidetracked, putting a book down, picking another one up and growing my to be read book pile. I know that this book will probably not appeal to the masses, but the book that spoke most to me was Including People with Disabilities in Faith Communities: A Guideline for Service Providers, Families & Congregations by Erik W. Carter. I wrote a review of this book on my personal blog.

My reading took a detour this month when I read Here, There Be Dragons by James A. Owen. My virtual friend DebD had reviewed it on her blog. When I mentioned it to my oldest daughter, she could hardly wait to read the first book. She loved it! She bought and devoured the second book and is waiting to get the third book in the series through an inter-library loan.

I don't know if I liked it or not. I think I liked the idea for the book a whole lot better than the final product. In the book the main characters are commissioned to protect an atlas of previous authors' imaginations. The main characters are famous authors whose own works are known to have filled generations of readers with wonder. As I read the book, I recognized almost every single idea as having come from another work of fantasy. There seemed to be no original thought. Although his story was stretched almost beyond recognition, the biblical Noah was included as a fantasy character. And, the discussion on heaven seemed to conclude that our world is heaven. I suspect this was only meant to apply to fantasy people, characters who live on eternally in our imagination. I sure don't feel that I am in any kind of heaven.

As I did in last month's summary, I am going to tell you about the best thing I saw on DVD. We don't have cable and can't even pick up local channels. But, we do use our membership at Netflix to rent movies to watch at home. This month, my favorite was A Man Named Pearl, the story of a self-taught topiary artist, Pearl Fryar, living in Bishopville, S.C. The documentary of his life is rich with southern gospel music, offers a message of hope, and is inspirational.

On God:

"I don't think you can substitute the physical side of life for the spiritual side of life. And, we can call it whatever we want to call it for a different faith, but it's that belief in someone bigger than I am that makes life interesting to live."

On racism:

"There always going to be obstacles. The thing is, you don't let those obstacles determine where you go."

Now, go forth and fill your minds with new things!

Diversify Your Reading

I don't usually join Book Reading Challenges. I love to read, but I don't want the pressure of having made a commitment to other people. And, I am not going to officially join this one either. I have already made a commitment to ensure racial and ethnic diversity of the authors I read. So, I was thrilled to find the blog Diversity Rocks: Adding Color to Your Reading List.

Hat Tip: Tami at Anti-Racist Parent

A History of Christianity in Africa: From Antiquity to the Present

I am finding this book hard to review. First, the information covers two millennia of Christianity; there is a lot of information. But, as important, this text is written like a history textbook and represents, perhaps, my least favorite way to study history. But, I will do my best.

"When Jesus was persecuted by the European Herod, God sent him into Africa; by this we know that Africans have naturally a true spirit of Christianity." ~ The Children of the Sacred Heart in Northern Rhodesia, in 1958, quoted in J. Taylor and D. Lehmann, Christians of the Copperbelt (SCM, London, 1961) p. 167.

I found the beginning of the book the most interesting. Admittedly, I have studied this period of Christianity more than I have the others. The topic was familiar. I was annoyed by one little thing. The author of the book consistently referred to the Non-Chalcedonian Churches as the Monophysite churches. I reject that label and have written before, "The church split over semantics?" Because the Non-Chalcedonian churches do not teach that Christ had only one nature. They believe that the divine spirit and his physical, human body (Christ's two natures) are indivisible and cannot be separated.

I think I might agree with them. Not because I have any special understanding about Christ's nature. My spirit and body are indivisible and without separation. Our adult Sunday school class has been studying 1 John. It seems that the entire book addresses the fact that my body and spirit are indivisibly one. In the resurrection Christ's physical body and divine spirit became the first fruits of the resurrection. He is not ruling and reigning in heaven as a disembodied spirit. The church I belong to doesn't endorse or require fasting, celibacy or really any of the practices related to Christian asceticism. I am talking as an outsider. I hope not to offend or oversimplify the Lenten fast that Orthodox Christians are currently participating in. But, it seems that the entire reason for fasting is that there is a recognition that our body and spirit are one; fasting helps prepare our spirit for celebrating Christ's passion. The Western church seems to have lost this understanding.

When I became a Christian, the church's history became my history. It seems that after presenting the ancient church, the rest of the book highlighted the church's corporate sin. There were, of course, stories of the persecuted church and martyrs, but they were the exception. By far, the bigger story is a seemingly unending list of people, churches and political alliances. I knew, but didn't like to read again, about the church's involvement in the trans-Atlantic slave trade. The overall message of the book can best be summed up in the following quote:

There is too much failure among all Europeans in Nyassaland. The Three Combined Bodies: Missionaries, Government, and Companies or Gainers of money do form the same rule to look on a Native with mockery eyes. It sometimes startle us to see that the Three Combined Bodies are from Europe, and along with them there is a title 'CHRISTNDOM.' And to compare of make a comparison between the MASTER of the title and His Servants it pushes any African away from believing the Master of the title. If we had power enough to communicate ourselves to Europe, we would have advised them not to call themselfs 'CHRISTNDOM' but 'Europeandom.' We see that the title 'CHRISTNDOM' does not belong to Europe, but to future BRIDE. Therefore the life of the Three Combined Bodies is altogether too cheaty, too thefty, too mockery. ~ Charles Domingo

A plaque near the entrance of Elmina Castle

Perhaps part of the reason Christians were so poor at representing Christ to the people of Africa is that Christians seem to have an unfailing inability to read and follow the example of Scripture.

"While they were ministering to the Lord and fasting, While they were ministering to the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, 'Set apart for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.'" Acts 13:2 (NAS)

But, that isn't how missionaries were selected:

Someone, possibly deeply stirred at missionary meeting... feels constrained to offer for overseas service. Almost inevitably this 'offering' comes to be regarded as a 'holy call' to a sacrificial vocation. The whole idea becomes wrapped in a veil of romantic splendour...many may know that, mentally, physically or spiritually, the candidate is unsuitable for missionary service. (page 77)

One of the other themes I found interesting was how closely tied education is with evangelism. Missionaries held a virtual monopoly on education. I had never really thought of it before, but Christianity is a religion of the Word. Tribes that didn't have a written language needed one to study the Scripture. Missionaries needed to spend years living with a people group to learn their language. They had to put it into writing and teach the people how to read. I began to wonder how many converts were hunger for the written word and the power that comes with knowing how to read and write instead of being hungry for the Living word.

The last thing that I found interesting is that many Africans joined the church because they embraced a prosperity gospel. The Europeans are wealthier and more powerful than us; therefore, the European God must be stronger than our traditional gods. This belief, of course, is only good so long as the person embracing it feels that God is blessing them too. In the end, some Africans believed that there were "secret" teaching, spells and Scripture that the Europeans weren't sharing with them. And where did they get this anti-biblical prosperity gospel? Why from White missionaries of course! "I showed them a Bible and told them it was it that made our nation rich and powerful."

Sadly, the overall message of the book is that missionaries in Africa were totally unequipped to do their job. They didn't know how to interact with the culture. They opposed things that seem irrelevant and not grounded in biblical truth, for example round houses. There was not a culturally sensitive way with polygomy. Native converts were more successful at gaining converts. But, instead of equipping and commissioning them as pastors, priests and leaders in the newly planted churches, missionaries created mission villages and set themselves up as autocratic rulers. They made themselves political and spiritual leaders, judge and jury. They even dispensed capital punishment.

And, I will end on this sad note:

The Native is, we firmly believe, one of the best assets this country possesses. We need him to assist us to develop its vast resources, and he will help us, if we allow him, to make it a country in which an ever-increasing number of Europeans will live in comfort. (page 308)

I am really not surprised that anyone ever thought such a thing. Some thoughts just pop into your mind unexamined. But, to write it down, to be saved for generation after generation? Who thinks like that?

In today's headlines: Pope begins Africa tour

"Although the numbers of practicing Catholics are dwindling in the developed world, Africa, where some progress has been made toward democratization but conflicts and crises still simmer, is seen as vital to the future of a growing Church.

Image Source: Travel Blog, Photographer: Tamara Northcott